


I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

by taylortheclown



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester's Birthday, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mixtape, Mutual Pining, Nervous Castiel (Supernatural), Pie, Rice Krispie Treats, Sad and Happy, Slow Dancing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:02:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28971045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylortheclown/pseuds/taylortheclown
Summary: It's Dean's birthday and Cas gives him a gift, but it led to something that Dean never would have expected. This was going to be a birthday that Dean never forgot, and a present he would always treasure.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 74





	I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the formatting, ao3 decided to not listen to me at all today with italics so there's no italics for the songs.
> 
> You know I was just going to make a tooth-rootingly sweet fluffy birthday fic but then my brain was like “uhhhh let's not.” Oops. I cannot control my brain, but I’m not sorry.
> 
> This fic was originally inspired by [this tumblr post](https://absolutespntrash.tumblr.com/post/641219158145695744/i-am-very-partial-to-someone-telling-dean-to-make) I saw earlier today and I was like well, why the hell not.

Dean was sitting in his room on top of his bed, leaning against the headboard. Cas was sitting in a chair near him, looking at his phone. Sam had shoved him in his room while they tried to get things ready before dinner, but Dean kept protesting, telling them not to make such a big deal out of it all. There was no reason to fuss this much over it.

They kept telling him to go wait in his room, but he didn’t want to just sit in his room all alone, so ultimately, Cas had offered to stay with him until everything was ready. He had already done so much earlier in preparation of today so everyone agreed that it would be for the best.

He kept a watchful eye on Dean as they sat there, making sure he didn’t try sneaking out and force them to let him help out, ruining the surprise. It was quiet in the room except for when the noises from the kitchen became especially loud, breaking the silence between them.

They sat there for a while until Dean spoke up. “So… how long do you think this’ll take them?”

Cas looked up from staring at his phone to return Dean’s gaze.

“Umm, I’m not sure. Maybe around half an hour or so… maybe a little longer now since it’s just the two of them. Sam’ll come get us when they’re done.”

“Uh-huh, okay. Are you sure they don’t need your help in there? I promise I’ll be fine if you go check-”

“Dean. I’m not falling for your tricks. I told Sam I’d stay here and that is exactly what I intend to do.”

“Fine, fine! I’ll stop asking… is there anything you wanna do to pass the time then?”

“Well, I was going to give this to you later…” Cas put his phone down, before standing up and rummaging around in his pockets for something, his bottom lip between his teeth in concentration until a smile spread across his face. He pulled both hands from his pockets, one of them containing a small box.

“I got you something, it’s nothing much, but you could open it now if you like.”

Cas was looking down at the small box, avoiding Dean’s eyes as he fidgeted with a loose corner of the wrapping paper.

Dean got up from the bed, walking over to Cas. He placed a finger under Cas’ chin, tilting his head back up so he could look him in the eye. “I’d love that. Thanks, Cas.”

Cas’ breath caught in his throat, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he shook his head, shaking himself out of it. He looks back down at the small box in his hands, pushing it towards Dean for him to take.

Dean’s hand closed around it, his fingers brushing against Cas’, lingering for just a moment too long to be accidental. Cas’ eyes flick back up to meet the green eyes that’re already looking at him, a shy smile spreading across his face.

Dean turns around then, walking back to his bed and sitting on the edge. When Cas doesn’t move from his spot a few feet away, Dean looks at him.

“You just gonna stand there all day? Come on, come sit.” Dean motions Cas over with his arm.

Cas listens to Dean and takes the few steps towards the bed. Sitting next to him, Cas shifted a bit to get a better look at Dean as he opened the gift. Dean shifted too, bringing one leg up onto the bed, his knees pressing into the side of Cas’ thigh now.

Dean slowly went to tear back the wrapping paper, something about it made him feel like he needed to be gentle with it. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt wrong to just tear it apart quickly.

The wrapping paper revealed a small rectangular brown box.

Dean was about to go give it a little shake when Cas quickly placed a hand on his arm, halting his movements.

“Please try to be careful with it.”

“Oh, okay, sorry.” Dean grinned sheepishly.

Cas’ hand slid down off Dean’s arm, coming to rest on his knee as Dean carefully opened the box. There was a bit of tissue paper inside, hiding whatever was wrapped inside of it.

Dean took it out of the box, hearing the tissue paper crinkle in his hands. He unfolded it, getting a bit anxious, just wanting to know what was inside, what could Cas have possibly gotten-

His thoughts stopped all at once when he saw it. A rough scrawl on the top of it.

_Cas’ 12 top songs for Dean_

“I know it’s not much, but after I enjoyed yours I thought it might be nice to return the favour.” Cas sounded nervous as Dean still hadn’t spoken. “It’s alright if you don’t- if you don’t like it. I’ll-”

Dean cut Cas off, grabbing the hand that was still resting on his knee.

“Cas, shut up. I love it. I know I haven’t listened to it yet but… thank you.”

Dean gave him a smile and then wrapped Cas into a hug, careful not to drop the mixtape as he did so. He closed his eyes, nuzzling his head into Cas a little, breathing him in before pulling away.

“Could we- could we give it a listen? While we wait?”

“Oh, uh sure. We could do that.”

“Awesome.”

Dean got up, pulling out his cassette player, putting this one inside and pressing the play button. Then he walked back over to Cas, sitting next to him once more. They sat there in silence while the music started playing.

_I am not the only traveler_  
_Who has not repaid his debt_

Cas looked anywhere but at Dean. He refused. He was so nervous for this, letting Dean have a glimpse into his mind, his heart. It was terrifying. He wasn’t even sure if Dean would understand, if he would even begin to understand why he chose these songs specifically. He hoped he did, but he also hoped he didn’t.

___I had all and then most of you_  
_Some and now none of you_  
_Take me back to the night we met_ _ _

Cas could feel the tears welling in his eyes a little. Every time he heard this song he thought of Dean. Only of Dean. Of the times when he lost him. Of when Dean walked away or was taken from him or the night in that barn. The night where Dean first laid eyes on him, the night where Cas’ could feel him looking back, the first night where he could actually talk to him, where he could hear Dean speak back. The night it all started.

Dean was extremely quiet next to Cas. The song had now changed. Cas could feel eyes on him, he knew Dean was watching him, but he didn’t dare look up at him, terrified of what he would see. He just sat there and listened to the music playing.

___I let myself want you_  
_I let myself try_  
_I let myself fall back into your eyes_  
_I let myself want you_  
_I let myself hope_  
_I let myself feel things I know that you don’t_ _ _

Cas was beginning to maybe think he should have waited to give this to Dean until later. That was the original plan. To give it to Dean before he went to sleep, then he could listen to it by himself another time. Then Cas wouldn’t have to sit here with him, just waiting for him to say something. Waiting while he opened his heart up to the other man.

Another song started playing. Cas was dead still as it started. If the other songs hadn’t registered in Dean what these songs meant, then surely this one would give it all away. Cas couldn’t have written a better song than this if he tried.

___I've spent a thousand nights_  
_Lost in your emerald eyes_  
_Lost in a place where I know you can see my soul_ _ _

He felt so exposed, so vulnerable right now. The song kept playing, but he could have sworn he heard a quiet sniffle. Maybe he was just imagining it...

___Make me lose track of time_  
_You and your emerald eyes_  
_Finally found a place that I can call my home_ _ _

The last parts of the song played and then Dean got up abruptly, walking quickly over to the cassette player and hitting the stop button.

He stayed there for a moment, his back turned to the angel. Cas saw Dean’s shoulders shake. Cas wasn’t sure if he should speak up or if he should just leave.

“Cas…” Dean choked out. His voice was hoarse, shaky even.

Rising slowly from his spot on the bed, Castiel shuffled over to where Dean was standing, hovering behind the taller man.

“Dean. is-” Cas’ words were ripped away from him, completely forgotten as Dean turned around, his face finally coming into view. His eyes were glassy and red, tear tracks on his cheeks. His bottom lip was quivering a little as he looked at Cas.

Without warning, Dean pulled him into the tightest hug, not seeming to care if Castiel could breathe or not. He gripped him tight, his chin resting on the angel’s shoulder. It took Cas a moment to register what was happening and then when he finally did, he wrapped his arms around Dean as well. One hand found its way to the back of Dean’s neck, stroking it gently, trying to calm him as he felt a sob escape his body.

“Dean, I- I didn’t mean for you to… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare be sorry, Cas. Don’t you dare.” His voice was breathless and wavering. “Cas I-”

A loud knock on the door startled them both. They broke away quickly, but not before Sam had barged in, seeing the state of the two of them. His mouth was hanging open, the words he was about to speak, forgotten.

“Uhh everything okay in here?” Sam asked, looking a bit worried now.

“Yea- Yeah. Everything’s good.” Dean wiped a hand down his face, rubbing away the tears. ”Just uh, figuring a few things out…” Dean spoke, glancing at Cas, before looking back at Sam.

“Alright… Well, we’re all done out here. Ready to eat?”

“Definitely, ’m starving. Just give us a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” Sam replied wearily, walking out of the room and presumably towards the kitchen.

Dean turned back to Cas, watching the angel nervously play with the sleeves of his shirt.

“Cas…” Dean spoke lowly. “Was that… What was that?”

“I think you know what it was, Dean. And it’s okay if- if you don’t feel the same. I just- I needed you to understand. I need you to know that no matter what, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here.”

Dean swallowed, his eyes were wide. He wasn’t really sure what exactly to say here. This certainly wasn’t what he was expecting. He never thought that Cas… that Cas felt the same way that he did, that Cas could even feel something like that. He wanted to say something, to let him know, but then Cas’ face hardened a little.

“We should go, Sam and Jack are waiting.”

“But Cas-”

“No, Dean,” He rushed out, a little harshly. He stopped, his voice coming out a little softer this time. “It’s alright. You don’t have to say anything.”

With that, Cas was brushing past Dean and out the door to meet the others in the kitchen.

Reluctantly, Dean followed, finally noticing the aroma that filled the air as he walked closer to the kitchen.

***

After dinner came dessert, the part they were all quite excited for.

Dean and Jack went to the library to wait as Sam and Cas were in the kitchen grabbing whatever they had made for Dean.

Cas walked out first, holding a large dish of apple pie. Sitting on top of it were two of those big number candles. The number 42 to be exact. Cas placed it down in front of Dean before he moved away, and sat down in a chair that he pulled up to the head of the table, only a foot or two away from Dean. Sam came out next. Dean’s eyes lit up when he saw what his brother was carrying. He remembered…

Sam set down the stack of homemade Rice Krispie treats next to the pie on the table. He clapped his left hand on Dean’s shoulder, looking at his brother. “Okay, Dean, make a wish.”

Dean looked up at Sam, “I don’t need to.”

Then his gaze shifted to the angel on the other side of him, his eyes meeting Castiel’s.

His gaze stayed there, unwavering as he spoke. “I already have everything I need right here. I get to spend my birthday with the people I love most.”

A small smile spread across the angel's face at his words. His heart warmed inside. It was the sweetest thing he’d heard from the hunter. Maybe he was wrong before, maybe he was wrong for assuming how Dean felt.

Dean and Cas just looked at each other, nothing else mattering to them at that moment. Cas felt as Dean’s knee bumped against his, nudging him. Cas nudged him back.

The sound of someone clearing their throat broke them from their daze. It was Sam, who chuckled once they both looked up at him.

“Why don’t you just blow out the candles already then. You don’t have to make a wish. Then we can eat.”

“Yeah alright,” Dean replied, remembering the delicious apple pie sitting in front of him. He was ready to devour it. Gosh, it smelt so good.

As they ate dessert, Dean kept his leg pressed firmly against Cas’, not wanting to be apart from him now. Once they were done, Dean followed them to the kitchen, watching as the three of them cleaned up. They wouldn’t let Dean touch a single dish, so he just sat on top of the table, swinging his legs as they worked.

After everything was done, Sam and Jack both gave Dean their gifts. Both wondering, yet never asking where Cas’ gift was. It was getting late then, Sam and Jack both decided to head to bed for the night, but Dean wasn’t quite ready for that yet.  
He and Cas sat in the library together until Dean was sure Sam and Jack were really out for the night, then, without a word, he looked at Cas and got up, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

“Dean, what’re you doing?” Cas asked quizzically.

Dean didn’t reply, but he also didn’t let go of Cas. He tugged on his hand, leading him to his bedroom. Once they were both inside, Dean shut the door, pulling Cas further into the room. Dean could see Cas had no idea what was going on or what he was doing and if he was being honest, he didn’t know what he was doing either.

Dean pulled Cas closer to him, holding him right up against him with his arms around the angel. He was quiet for a moment before he started to hum a little tune. One Cas couldn’t quite place at first. He was about to ask Dean what it was when Dean started singing softly, right next to Cas’ ear.

___I can't fight this feeling any longer_  
_And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow_  
_What started out as friendship has grown stronger_  
_I only wish I had the strength to let it show_ _ _

They started to sway a little as Dean continued to sing, both holding the other in their arms.

___I tell myself that I can't hold out forever_  
_I said there is no reason for my fear_  
_'Cause I feel so secure when we're together_  
_You give my life direction, you make everything so clear_ _ _

Dean could feel Cas smile against his neck.

___And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight_  
_You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night_  
_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might_ _ _

Dean’s voice got a little louder, with the next part, pulling back from Cas a little, grabbing one of the angel’s hands in his own.

___And I can't fight this feeling anymore_  
_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_  
_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_  
_And throw away the oars, forever_ _ _

Both their feet were shuffling around as they slowly danced in that spot. Their cheeks resting against each other.

__'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_  
_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_  
_And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door_  
_Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore_ _

Dean pulled his head away from Cas’ cheek, looking Cas in the eyes now, a smile on his face.

“I- I love you, Cas,” Dean murmured, his nose bumping against Cas’ nose and then he closed his eyes. As Dean leaned forward Cas’ breath caught in his throat and then their lips crashed together, finally. It took 12 years, but finally, it happened.

The kiss was sweet and gentle, full of love and emotion. Neither of them needed to take it further than that, not yet. There would be time for that later.

Dean was the one who pulled away, needed to get some air. His forehead rested against the angel’s again, looking into his blue eyes. They were breathtaking. He didn’t think anything could be better than this moment, that anything could possibly bring him more joy than this.

Then, “I love you too, Dean. I always have.”

There it was, Dean was proved wrong, yet again. He was absolutely beaming at Cas now, feeling the love and joy flood his body, his entire soul.

“Happy birthday, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was fun, I may or may not have cried a little because those songs are my crying songs so yeah… also 12 songs... 12 years... may or may not have been a coincidence.
> 
> Here’s a list of all songs I used in order of appearance and with links. None of them are my own. 
> 
> [The Night We Met - Lord Huron](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU)  
> [A Little Bit Yours - JP Saxe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwXlRq_QyTI)  
> [Emerald Eyes - Anson Seabra](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Z4gKL2XAfQ)  
> [Can’t Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpOULjyy-n8)
> 
>   
> Thanks for reading and one last time HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN WINCHESTER!!
> 
> UPDATE: I’ve been thinking of maybe another part to add to this because I did a thing and made the whole mixtape with 12 songs 🙃


End file.
